I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
