Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
