where am i from again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
