you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
