dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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