Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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