I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
