I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
