Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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