Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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