Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
