I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
