I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
