God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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