i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
