Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
only if we run a train.
done.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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