Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There are leaves in my underwear?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize