you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
