Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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