i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
