there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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