I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
