I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
