So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
