Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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