I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
