he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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