i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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