You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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