I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is classic penis vs brain.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize