Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
