dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
