dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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