The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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