im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
