even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
