She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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