Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
