community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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