i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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