I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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