ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
