even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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