i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize