he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
