im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize