i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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