she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
