I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize