broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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