Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
