This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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