"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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