: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize