his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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