Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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