Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
