you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize