Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize