Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
