How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
