I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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